Buyers Remorse

Is it possible to avoid regret?  Should we even try?  What if our regrets are necessary?

re•gret -  feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, esp a loss or missed opportunity)


Regret can be a very strong emotion and we need to be careful not to let these moments of guilt keep us stuck.  Guilt is a very strong emotion that can lead to serious illness if not nurtured and cleared.

When we are resentful toward other people because they have more than us, we risk living in someone else's shadow.  This type of thinking holds us back, leaves us feeling inadequate and can amount to us giving up on our own dreams and potential.

It's one thing to regret something we have done but we must be mindful that we don't become consumed by circumstances that we are less than proud of.  We can't give our misdeeds that much power.  

We also need to forgive ourselves.  We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves for not always being perfect.  Sometimes we make the wrong choices.  Sometimes our circumstances call for drastic measures.  Sometimes our fight against nature vs. nurture gets the best of us and we find ourselves in precarious situations.  

Is it weakness to give in or are we strong for wanting to get away from it all?  I learned to hide from the past.  Somewhere along the way I acquired a love for the night and all that it brings.  If I counted all the nights I have had the number of missed days would be staggering.  

With the missed days come many missed opportunities.  But I wasn't strong enough to face the daylight and look at myself in the mirror.  I was too busy hiding.  Hiding from my past and all that had been done to me.  I was also hiding from the things I have done to others.  I couldn't face them.  It was all too much.  But then one day you wake up and the payoff of regret isn't enough anymore.  You're still emotionally broke and crippled by the why me's of it all.

Regret can be healthy if we keep it all in perspective.  Go easy.  We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves.  Our lives aren't backed by buyers remorse.  We can't exchange those moments for new ones or give ourselves back since we weren't given a receipt to begin with.

Suck it up!  Take out a sheet of paper and fold it in half.  Label one column regrets and the other column outcome.  In the first column (obviously) make a list of everything you regret.   The other column should be a list of the things that have come out of the regretted experience.  And chances are there will be some things on the outcome column that will make you smile and that will quite possibly help you realize that we can find the positive counterpart in most everything we do if we take the time to be nice to ourselves and look deep within to that place of purity.  

If we take the time to nurture ourselves, forgiveness will come.  If we can make allowances for things we got wrong next time we will get it right.  

My list is long. I was harboring resentments I didn't even know I had.  I have been so angry.  But I was also in serious denial about how angry I was at my parents and my upbringing and all the horrible things that have ever happened to me that it was hard to see what I was bringing to the table.   

I was so busy trying to be happy that I chased happiness for the moment, in the night, only to be left more bereft then when I started.  I've regained my composure and I have decided to make peace with my resentments, my regrets, and all the things I can't take back.  I'm being accountable and I am sorry.  Sorry to myself and sorry to those I have wronged or hurt along the way.  

I am thankful to have found the courage to persevere.  When facing the eyes of adversity I am making different choices now.  I haven't seen the midnight moon in a long time.  And my time spent in the sun has brought with it a courage I hadn't known before.  

Do I wish my past had been different?  Yes, I still do.  But who I am today is because of all the things that happened along the way.  The list of accomplishment is long.  Today, I can honestly say, I don't regret who I am now.  

What does your list look like?

Calm Down

Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. 

Life's moments bring surprises.  Sometimes they are welcomed but sometimes the news can be complex therefore invoking feelings of loss, bewilderment or even shock.  

I noticed today while I was first in line at the red light that a guy on foot was rushing across the street.   At the same time the green light went off signaling the left turning lane to move forward.  Approaching the intersection a guy in an old chevy trying to get on the freeway started honking at the guy like crazy.  He actually came dangerously close to hitting the poor guy.  As I watched this most unfortunate display of noise pollution the guy behind the wheel was visibly cursing at the guy as he passed.  

Sometimes I wonder.   Why are some people so aggressive?  Why are some people so quick to get angry?  Why do we insist on reacting instead of taking a breath and putting ourselves in other peoples shoes?

What if that guy rushing across the street got an emergency phone call about his child being sick at school and while trying to get there his car broke down and he was rushing to catch a bus?  

Haven't we all at some point in our lives been new at something, made a mistake or bumped into someone on accident because we were distracted by some unwelcome event that happened to us?

I am not making excuses for all of us.  I  am simply trying to give us another perspective of what the possibilities could be.  The how-to's and/or what-if's of what is going on in the lives of our fellow human beings.  Sometimes we are in the wrong and we should be more careful but sometimes we get surprised by life and the outcome can have an adverse affect on us.  

I remember when I got the call that the woman I called mother, had past away.  I was shooting a promo for the Fox Reality network and happened to be in the hall when my phone vibrated in my hand.  I was in such shock by the "mom just died" coming through my phone, that I felt like I was walking around in circles.  I just kept saying, "I am not sure what I am supposed to do now".  Needless to say, my boss responded with, "You need to go home now".  So I gathered up my tears and I got behind the wheel of the Toyota I had been driving at the time and headed home.  I don't even remember the drive.  I just remember having to constantly wipe away the tears that threatened to drown me.  

The possibility that I may have cut someone off by accident on that drive home is highly plausible.  Did that person curse me out?  Did it make them feel better?  I wouldn't know.  I was too preoccupied by shock and grief.  But I am sorry if I cut anyone off.  Just like I am sure that whoever else is out there and finds themselves in a predicament of being late, or suffering, or rushing to the hospital for whatever reason, they are sorry too.  Right?

Maybe we should keep in mind that sometimes life isn't nice to us.  Sometimes we get hurt.  Sometimes we get lost.  We are all people.  And who are we not to be accountable and deal with our issues and come to terms with our transferences and stop inflicting our own shit on others?   

If we could all just calm down and try to have some empathy I believe that it would help us in our delivery.  It would help us see things and people for what they could be.  Hopefully people aren't out to get us on purpose, so why would we treat them that way?  

Why would we choose to "come at someone" instead of talking to them?  Why would we choose to put someone on the defensive instead of inviting them to engage with us?  Who are we to put ourselves on such a pedastel that we would ever talk down to someone or treat them with disrespect?   

We are all in this together and it is so very important for us all to remember that we get what we give out.  The way we choose to interact with others sets the precedence for what the Universe will give back to us.  If we are that angry then we will find ourselves in situations that keep us angry.  If we are happy people we will see and find the happiness in everything around us.   

If we can train ourselves to be soothing, unruffled, and even-tempered then we will be more apt to approach life and our fellow inhabitants with peace, serenity and kindness.  

How about the next time someone does something that offends you or cuts you off, you stop and think something positive in their direction.  Hope that everything works out for them and move on with your life.  Wishing harmony for others can help you know it for yourself.

Wouldn't you want someone to treat you with kindness if the shoe was on the other foot?

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