Just Enough Rainbows

      On shoot day 1 of 2 and it's time for lunch.  I've been missing writing on a daily basis but duty calls.  There are just not enough hours in the day to fit it all in.

      My journey does have me skipping.  My no vs. yes experiment is still underway and persistence really does breed success.  I hope you are still rigorously but patiently pursuing your no vs. yes experiment too!

      Sitting here on location amidst the dust and the chaos I have had another one of my moments.  A really great moment while checking in with myself.  In the brief silence I allotted myself I found a smile.  A deep rooted, to the core, feeling pretty good, like what I see, kind of smile.

      I realized I haven't experienced any sorrow and there haven't been any tears.  I realize that some people really are crazy makers and bullies and manipulative.  I also realize that I can stand up for myself, walk away when I feel like it and I don't have to grieve that which is lost.   And the simple truth is, people will always show their true colors.  So wouldn't you want your true colors to be that of a rainbow?

      All this time spent with patience is really agreeing with me.  I'm learning so much about myself and how the world moves around me and how other people sometimes get lost in the wind.  How sometimes I get lost in the moment and how we all react instead of taking a breath and letting the moment unfold organically.  Sometimes things are not what they seem.

      I found another key that promises to open many doors.  Happiness.  It has alluded me for too long.  It has taken me a long time to figure out what the happy people know.  I have found my version of happiness in the present moment and the more I stay in the moment the happier I am.

      Happy enough that I presume that maybe my life of tears humbled me just enough.  My life of fear gave me just enough courage.  My life of humility gave me just enough awareness and my life of tears gave me just enough rainbows.

      My happy finds me thankful and honoring the memories, the moments and the tears that got me here.

It starts with a single droplet of water

Like that of a summer rain

I must surrender to the waters will

It comes out of nowhere and calls my name.

My body responds voluntarily in surrender

The beckoning call a much needed release

As the water makes its claim on me

My body shakes for inner peace

Memories flood my mind

As my steps I now retrace

The water flowing freely

And I yield to its embrace

An attempt at laughter and I

Am at the point of no return

I freely relinquish all control

And leave it to my heart to discern

It can start with an onion

And the effects on the eyes

As I peel away at the layers

I am left with no disguise

It can begin with a lullaby

Sparking memories of the past

A childhood left to no one

And praying the pain would never last

A remembrance of my mother

Her singing fills my mind

A soul lost to happen stance

Who chose to leave this world behind

The grief from mistakes I’ve made

Fall around me like a house of cards

As I have spent most of my years

Behind my self made wall of disregard

The waves are finally crashing over me

As my body relinquishes its control

Giving in to the convulsions of sobs

The only way I can be made whole

In humility I shall shed my tears

Embracing all that they bear within

An inner knowledge and wisdom

That only life experience can bring

Tears come in many forms

Maybe too many to comprehend

But I am always thankful for the visit

Like the comfort of a long lost friend

Just like when all of the water from a rain

Brings the gift of the brightest rainbow

I am always grateful to my tears because

I can see my life through their open window

Outside

No one wants to feel unstable, or experience hopelessness, or lose their sense of spirit.  And with everything going on in Japan my nonsense makes even less sense.

There are too many bodies for the crematory to handle.  There are people searching for water, food, and their loved ones.   What is happening over there is devastating and catastrophic.  It really puts everything in perspective.  Relative or not, sometimes you have to step outside yourself.  You have to put yourself in someone else's shoes.  It's not always about us.  The world doesn't revolve around us.  And the best way to stop being about us is to be about someone or something else.

Whenever something bad happens, no one ever wants to think, "Oh that can happen to me, us, anyone, anywhere, any time."  Well guess what!?  Yes it can!

What would we do if this happened right here in our own backyard?  What would we do if we lost everything?  If there was no food, no shelter, no heat in below freezing weather?  

What would we grab?  Where would we go? Who would we try to call?  Since we are all connected, we are all affected.  It effects us on a global level.  We are fragile and we are taking advantage of the very earth we inhabit and the earth has obviously had enough.  Will it reach us here?  It already has.

The markets are falling, the global momentum supporting nuclear energy is threatened and worse, our neighbor just lost their mother, father, brother, sister.  How painful it all is.  How humbling.

In a world based in control, there is absolutely nothing we can do about the onslaught of natural disasters.  But what we can do is find a way to play a part in the relief efforts.  It's in this collaboration of energy that we will help uplift the energy of our planet and hopefully ourselves.

I'm going through life trying to make sense of all the nonsense.  But sometimes I find myself thinking f**k it, can one person really make a difference?

The answer is simple.  Yes we can.  We can make a huge difference.   And there are so many ways to help.  So I am going to just help for now.  It's all I can do.  Here are just a few ways we can be one person making a difference.


www.redcross.org/   text 50555 to donate $10.00
www.unicefusa.org
ladygagabracelet    (click link to be brought to hottopic.com)


Side note:  I am pushing the release date of the trailer.  Tomorrow I will try to post my check in number 6 but I can't promise. I can't promise much this week.  I'm in a mood.  It happens.