The Art of Letting Go

It's been a while since we had a "check in" so today is the day.  I for one had a very interesting epiphany this evening.  It's possible that my lucid coherence to the facts brings me a step closer to grasping the art of letting go. For this I am thankful and I am also very aware that my deepest moments of recognition come when I am overtired and overworked.  This is an interesting concept onto itself, "When we are too tired to fight ourselves, we have no choice but to be open, and it is in this openness that our true answers are revealed"

Even though my day started at 4am for the second day in a row, it was inevitable that I find a way to nourish my body. Taking myself on an evening run in this beautiful weather on the sandy beach of the Marina peninsula gave me a priceless moment of clarity. While there is excitement at the revelation there is also a sense of awe. We certainly are an interesting breed with intricate layers to our emotions, patterns and roots.

Does my awareness mean it's possible that moving on from this pattern is finally within my reach?

One can only hope.

Since most of my childhood was spent trying to establish a relationship with my mother that she wasn't cable of having, it was unavoidable that one of my patterns would find me wanting what I couldn't have. Interestingly enough, when it comes to my friendships and my work I have been quite successful at fulfilling my dreams and establishing long lasting connections.

Relationships have been a whole other story. After my five year relationship I settled into the insight that maybe I am the one that is emotionally unavailable. That turning into our parents is inescapable and thus my fate was sealed. But the awareness gave me a realization. Being cognizant is half the battle. I convinced myself that I could rise above the low vibrational level and be available to the possibility.

One of my best friends told me once that when you date someone you should be left feeling elevated by the exchanges, cherished as a person and motivated to be the best you, you can be. This information nuzzled its way into my heart and I started walking in its footsteps.

This new vibrational level has me accepting my shortcomings, embracing my quirks, and loving my sense of independence. My flirtatious nature finds my eyes sparkling and I have found my happy. While some dates have left me wondering if dating was for me at all, one interesting encounter left me breathless. The good thing is I now know what I am capable of. I am having fun feeling again, being sexy, and embracing the adoration. But here in lies the rub.

What do you do when the connection is there but the person isn't going to be for months on end? Do you wait when you are supposed to be living your life and finding someone to share it with? Do you spend months missing each other and sharing how you wish you were together or do you set it free?

My precarious nature wants the world and everything in it. It's hard to let go of things sometimes. Especially when big parts of those things make you feel amazing but the choice must be made to live in the moment. We can't stop our lives for risk it will hinder our growth. Everything happens for a reason and there is someone for everyone. Time holds so many secrets and if we really can manifest our own destiny (and I believe we can) we just need to be more specific about our needs, wants and prerequisites.

It's time to take this experiment a step further and see just how far awareness can go in making sure our patterns relinquish control to our true nature. Have you had any pattern shifts lately?


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The Bridge (small excerpt from my book)

The 3rd draft of my book is complete and I have been sharing it sparingly for feedback.  My notes have been amazing and I am very excited with the results.   I have, however, found myself needing a way to connect the two parts without it being two totally separate books.  I thought I would test it out here... Let me know what you think.  Feedback is welcomed.

            Yes.  The first half of my life left me breathless subdued and emotionally crippled.  With no comedic reprieve, the stories were hard to read and the situations unfathomable.  But I did tell you in the beginning that the events I would share were not the happy ones. 

            In my face of adversity lie my laugh lines.  I see them now.  As life progressed, I needed to know which ones to embrace and which ones to cover up with as much make up as possible.  But we all know that cover up will wash away with a little soap and water.

            In the context of my existence, it was these unfortunate events that brought me to a place strong enough to go back through the rubble of my train wreck.  After many failed attempts of putting the pieces back together I finally made my way over the bridge. 

            I believe that everything happens for a reason.  If it weren’t for everything that happened to me, I wouldn’t know all of what else I am about to tell you.  The following chapters are meant to make you think.   You are with me on this journey for a reason.   You relived my past with me because it is time to right the wrongs and release the chains that bind us.  This isn’t just for me.  It’s for you too.  The need to share, learn and hypothesize over the events to make life better, stronger and sustainable is irrevocable.  My story is far from over.  But on this side of the water across the bridge from where I came from, it sounds so much different.   The why's have finally been replaced with now what.  It's time for change.

Digging Deep

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

― Anaïs Nin      Seeing life through our own eyes is invigorating but it can also be misleading.  Our perceptions of other people are based on what we have going on in our lives at any given moment.  If we are in a bad mood we will project our feelings on others and the annoyance sets in.  If we are in a great mood, we might walk around complimenting everyone.      Projecting our feelings on others is easy to do.  But we must be careful in our exchanges for fear (and it is likely) that we find ourselves in transference.  Have you ever been in an argument with someone and then all of a sudden stopped to really listen and thought "what in the world are we talking about?  This has nothing to do with what started this conversation.  How off track can we get?!"  This is called being in transference.  Something triggers us.  We are reminded of a past event or different circumstance and we are having that same fight again but with a different person.      If we are truly honest with ourselves chances are we have said these same words over and over to just about everyone who means anything to us in our lives.  A parent, a sibling, a lover, or a best friend.  My mother, may she rest in peace, used to tell me to never lash out at anyone because you might as well be looking in the mirror.  Something happens in our psyche, something is triggered and it no longer becomes about the person you are talking to.  It becomes all about you.      This is a scary theory and if you are brave and want to get to the crux of your behavioral patterns, you should try this.  It is time to take stock of the things we say in an argument or misunderstanding with our loved ones.  This is going to take a very open mind.  Open like two double doors onto the botanical gardens kind of open.         Most phones now have voice recorder so you just discreetly press record on your phone.  And remember this isn't about the person you are having the disagreement with.  This is about us.  This is personal and is about our growth and our desires to rise above our patterns.  This is about being honest with ourselves and listening for the recurring themes in our lives.  This digging really deep into the subconscious of our past.  We don't want to be a broken record.  That means we are not growing.  It means we are still trapped on a vibrational level that threatens to keep us on the hamster wheel.  Argh.  Exhausting.      One of the things of I am learning in all this is the power of awareness.  It really can set us free.  It sets on a new yellow brick road of possibilities and opens us up to the wonders that come with growth.  Spiritual growth brings epiphanies, coincidences, and many aha! moments.  And those moments mean we are on our right path.  And when we are on our right path there is no room to go in circles anymore.  We must walk ahead.  One foot in front of the other.  Walk away from the past and the habits that threaten to keep us stuck and walk into the future where we are free to start fresh with every word we breathe and every smile we achieve. Are you ready to break the pattern chain?