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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Don't Ask

      Being the W Chaser brings lots of questions. They seem to be never-ending.  I am constantly perplexed by people even if not always so surprised. For the most part people will prove us right, they will do exactly what we think they will do even if we hope they will do something different. With this knowledge, then why, if we already know the answer to a question, do we still ask it knowing we won't like the response?

      If we know someone can't give us the emotional support we need than we shouldn't ask them for it.

      How do we truly accept people and ourselves for who we are? How do we let go of the outcome? How do we stop setting ourselves up for the fall?

      Some people just aren't capable of certain things. They limit themselves without realizing they are doing it. And by reaching out to someone to fulfill an emotional need for us puts us at fault.  I've said it before, no one can let us down if we don't allow them to hold us up.

       For my mothers entire life I pursued a relationship with her that she was just not capable of having. Feeling bereft became a familiar sentiment, one that didn't feel good, but going back for more was my only known option. In exchange the need to be accepted, advocated and loved would propagate a very real lack of self-confidence.

       There would be a lot of searching over the years but I was looking in all the wrong places. The acceptance, trust, and approval would have to come from within. When we put our faith in ourselves we give ourselves power. When we find our own self-assurance we can stop looking for reassurance.

       Sometimes people are fundamentally unable to give you a compliment, wish you well, or congratulate you. It is possible they are essentially incapable of being happy for someone who is experiencing great accomplishments. Some people will tell you everything they are doing but not once ask you what you're doing or even how you're doing.

      It's okay. We can't let it affect us. We can't let it get us down. Our feelings may get hurt but we should just forgive. Forgiveness will fundamentally help us grow, improve and will empower us. Embrace the friends that are supportive of you and continue supporting them in their endeavors. Focus on what you do have not what you don't.

      Is there someone in your life you have a hard time being happy for? Why?




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Words on Screen & Words on Paper

  • Blink, Malcolm Gladwell
  • Casablanca (1942)
  • Chocolat (2000)
  • Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffer, Ph.D.
  • Harold and Maude (1971)
  • Invictus (2009)
  • On The Waterfront (1954)
  • Singin in the Rain (1952)
  • The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield
  • The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz
  • The Greatest Salesman in the World, Og Mandino
  • The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle
  • The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Deepak Chopra
  • The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
  • The Tao of Pooh, Benjamin Hoff
  • The Wizard of Oz (1939)
  • West Side Story (1961)
  • What Happy People Know, Dan Baker

Listening

  • Use Somebody, Kings of Leon
  • You're Beautiful, James Blunt
  • Love, Love, Love, Tristan Prettyman
  • Just Fine, Mary J. Blige
  • Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson
  • You and Me, Dave Matthews
  • Just Breathe, Pearl Jam