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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

In retrospect

I've been stuck in my head and lost in my thoughts for much of the day. I was able to focus on my work but my intuition screamed that news was coming.  When I got home from the office the phone rang and the news came and I don't really want to talk about it. Somethings? Somethings you just can't change or do anything about.  I mean really.  What could I possibly do about something that was done when I was born and kept from me all these years?  What am I supposed to do with this information now?  Is my life as I know it going to change?  Nope. 

So I will try to use the information eventually to make sense of some events but that's me and that's a given.  I will always try to make sense of the nonsense.   Maybe I should cry or cry out or something, but I just don't feel like it.  There are no tears.  But it's not that there never were.  There have been tears in all shapes and sizes and lengths of time over so many different things.  Enough tears that I honored them with an ode.

It starts with a single droplet of water
Like that of a summer rain
I must surrender to the waters will
It comes out of nowhere and calls my name. 
My body responds in surrender
The beckoning call a much needed release
As the water takes its claim on me
My body shakes for inner peace
Memories flood my mind
As my steps I now retrace
The water flowing freely
And I yield to its embrace
An attempt at laughter and I
Am at the point of no return
I freely relinquish all control
And leave it to my heart to discern
It can start with an onion
And the effects on the eyes
As I peel away at the layers
I am left with no disguise
It can begin with a lullaby
Sparking memories of the past
A childhood left to no one
And praying the pain would never last
A remembrance of my mother
Her singing fills my mind
A soul lost to happen stance
Who chose to leave this world behind
The grief from mistakes I’ve made
Fall around me like a house of cards
As I have spent most of my years
Behind my self made wall of disregard
The waves are crashing over me
And bares my very soul
Giving in to the fit of sobs
The humility makes me whole
In this humility I shall shed my tears
Embracing all they hold within
An inner knowledge and wisdom
That only life experience can bring
Tears come in many forms
Maybe too many to comprehend
But I am always thankful for the visit
Like the comfort of a long lost friend
Just like when all of the water from a rain
Brings the gift of the brightest rainbow
I am always grateful to my tears because
I can see my life through their open window

© 2010

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Words on Screen & Words on Paper

  • Blink, Malcolm Gladwell
  • Casablanca (1942)
  • Chocolat (2000)
  • Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffer, Ph.D.
  • Harold and Maude (1971)
  • Invictus (2009)
  • On The Waterfront (1954)
  • Singin in the Rain (1952)
  • The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield
  • The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz
  • The Greatest Salesman in the World, Og Mandino
  • The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle
  • The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Deepak Chopra
  • The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
  • The Tao of Pooh, Benjamin Hoff
  • The Wizard of Oz (1939)
  • West Side Story (1961)
  • What Happy People Know, Dan Baker


  • Use Somebody, Kings of Leon
  • You're Beautiful, James Blunt
  • Love, Love, Love, Tristan Prettyman
  • Just Fine, Mary J. Blige
  • Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson
  • You and Me, Dave Matthews
  • Just Breathe, Pearl Jam