Full Circle

Sometimes life gets the best of me.  I let it.  Sometimes I wallow.  Too much thinking.  Too much comparing.  I don't have to be the quintessential dark side that I grew up with.  I don't have to be my mothers daughter knowing my mother wasn't capable of being a mom.  I don't have to compare myself to some Cimmerian fascination.  This is the 21st Century after all.  Pause.  This is me.  This is me sitting in the middle of the floor hoping the food will comfort me.  Hoping the tears will satiate my wanting.

Thoughts become things and I fear that sometimes I think myself right onto the path of following in my mothers footsteps.  Why is the grass always greener?  The wonder always pertinent?  My fears my reality?  I spend a lot of time alone.  Not lonely.  But alone like I was born from some Basquait painting.

The unequivocal need to separate myself from a past that should hold no bearing leaves me contemplative and crying.  Breaking the chains that bind me prove irreverent sometimes and I can't tear myself free.

Not everything needs to come full circle does it?  Can I step out of it like a ticket line?  Wallowing in self-pity doesn't suit me.  The blanket of food doesn't fit me anymore.  And the incessant relaying of similarities has overstayed their welcome.  I am not her anymore then she was me and this isn't some painting or song or symphony.  This is my life.  I guess sometimes even I need to be reminded.  Reminded of a promise I made to myself.  My own words venturing once again to teach me...

A leap of faith and I join you in an epic adventure.  An autonomous decree that if I miss, the stars will catch me.  I become one with you and the world is an illumination.  Me the shadow dancer being beckoned to embrace the splendor.  The flight of an angel. Protected from the fears of adolescence.  Guided through clouds of promises. Gratitude holds us high. Traveling the summit of our consciousness.  Only the inner wonderment of a child shall find us airborne.  Defying gravity. Immersed in the blue moon. The beauty of natures charms open their arms to us.  Below the grass green and untouched. I can smell the flowers and I bask in their ability to wear their Sunday best. Not a wrinkle in their stems or a pedal out of place on their heads. The light breeze sings for them, as they dance for me.  My leap of joy. I believe. The awareness has made me one with the energy fields around me and so I ascend in harmony. I am set free. I shall rise to the occasion. Choose life. An answered prayer, a silent lullaby, a dream come true. Help me stay on course. Help me to live like a butterfly. Help me glide. Help me love. Help me belong. Help me trust. Help me keep my promise.